I saw Bob Bowman at a swim meet last night, and after a starstruck moment, it occurred to me that I owed his best known prodigy an apology for a hasty, judgmental, and over-generalized statement.
Dear Mr Phelps, I am sorry for judging you. I know that you are 23 years old. I personally disagree with your choice to smoke pot, but that is just how I feel. Really, you should be able to do what you want. I do think it is unfortunate that you have, perhaps unwillingly, been portrayed by the media as a full-time role model/ angel. I think the main source of controversy over your actions was not that as a twenty three year old you were smoking pot and hopping from frat party to frat party. It was probably that these actions were so unexpected from you, because of the standards, perhaps unfair or unreasonable, that people have for you.
I would like to commend you for not putting anyone's life in danger this time, as you did back in November of 2004. That in and of itself demonstrates growth and maturity. I am, however, worried about you. Clearly everywhere you go there are many people who are not really your friends. People who want to embarrass you, cause a scandal. I am also worried that perhaps the family, teasing, and self-image problems you had growing up, and have spoken candidly about in interviews and in your autobiography, might still be haunting you.
I am far from an expert on the subject of chemical dependancies or psychology, but I am a staunch believer that many times, there are emotional reasons for which someone might develop habits like you have taken up. It is not so much the one hit of the bong, but the monthly trips to Las Vegas, the partying with people who do not think twice about spoiling your reputation, that worries me. As harsh and critical as I have been of you, I am still here and I still care. You still represent my city, and you are still a role model to me.
But I worry that while you have clearly proven yourself a man under water, you are yet to come into your manhood above the surface. I wish that you didn't engage in some of the things you do, but I know others who have done similar things, and I do not love them any less. Personally, I wish you wouldn't do these things, but even more so, I wish your happiness. I wish you were content, and felt accomplished, deserving, self-assured, above the water. Maybe this is why other people are so upset, maybe not. I am disappointed, mostly, that you have not been able to do this thus far, or at least that is what I interpret your partying habits to suggest. By all means, have a good time, but please do it in a way that conveys maturity, and self-control. You do not have to break laws to be happy, but most of all you do not have to hang out with questionable people.
I know that I have not always stood by you in the most supporting way. Part of me is far too willing to piece together the DUIs, party rumors, and girlfriend stories to make a terrible person out of you. But in the end, I am still here, still talking about you, because I care. I think that whether or not something like this will happen again, you should not have to say that it will not. The problem lies in that your profession and your sponsorships are ones that represent a healthy lifestyle, and a maturity level, that are perhaps refuted, at least traditionally, by the recently circulating images of you. I think you should hold the reigns in establishing who you are and what people expect from you. But most of all, I hope it won't happen again because I hope that you can find things that make you you up here on land, although if that truly is something that makes you happy, go for it, in all seriousness.
My Apologies,
Kate
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